Losing it

Ok, I'm not proud of this, but yesterday, I told someone to fuck off. I think aside from my brothers, I've only told 2 or 3 other people to fuck off (it kindof looses its dramatic effect when you do it all the time--besides which at this age, I feel like I should be better at expressing myself than resorting to expletives), but I must admit I have a short fuse at times.

Setting: I just parked my car after a 25 minute commute that should've taken at most 10-15. I rolled out of bed late, so as it were, I was scrambling to get to work. As I park my car, I see the bus coming--I run and barely make it on. One of my coworkers also boards the bus at the same stop.

I sit down--in the same manner that I've sat 100 times aboard a bus.

Woman next to me (hereafter referred to as crazylady): Jeez. Lady! Watch it! You almost killed me with your backpack there.

Anzu: Oh my gosh. I'm terribly sorry. I'm so sorry.
Crazylady: You almost knocked me over with that heavy backpack. You need to be more careful.
Anzu: I'm really sorry.

Crazy lady stops talking for 5 seconds, so Anzu thinks the matter is resolved. Um no.

Crazylady: you're such a brute. You better watch yourself there.
Anzu: (heretofore, I was sincere, but damnit, now I'm starting to get a bit irritated) I said I was sorry.
Crazylady: Well, it's too LATE. You almost killed me.
(Anzu ignores her. Crazylady keeps at it.)
Crazylady: You're a wild one, you know? A wild woman. You could've killed me.

At this point, I'm extremely irritated. Maybe if it didn't take me 30 minutes to drive 5 miles and I wasn't already running late, I would've been fine, but you know when someone gets teased in grade school every day, and quietly takes it and one day loses it and blows up? That was me.

Anzu: (gets up out of her seat, and moves to the front standing area away from this weirdo.) Fuck off. I already apologized. I don't know what more you would like me to do. (I'm sure it wasn't to tell her to fuck off.)
Crazylady: Don't talk to me like that! You're very disrespectful!
(carries on for 2 more minutes). . .You're not very ladylike. You shouldn't talk to me like that.
Anzu: Lady, it's 2008, not 1957. Get with the times.
Crazylady: Well, you could still talk like a lady. You're very offensive.
Anzu: Well, I'm a lesbian, too. Does that offend you?
Crazylady: Yes, it does.

At which point, other people on the bus started telling her to shut up b/c she was being offensive. Now she started going at it with them. Then my bus stop came-- or rather, I got off at the first possible stop.

The coworker who was on the bus with me--I went to her and profusely apologized for my behavior--did tell me later that a)my backpack was nowhere near her vicinity, and b)after I got off the bus, several people on the bus gave her flak.

I told this story to one of my coworkers as we were setting up for a conference.

Ch: You know, you really should be careful about who you tell to fuck off.

Yes, no freaking shit. I know that. It didn't stop me from blurting it out, and if I were wittier, I would've come up with something better to say, I know, but I am fully aware that it's probably not the wisest thing in the world to tell someone to f off.

Yes, I'm a horrible person and need to work on this.