Child Abuse and FB Proselytizing

So there is this new movement on FB. Oddly enough, the movement started out in Europe over a month ago. I know this, b/c some of my classmates participated. But in Europe, it was just "let's take a fun walk down memory lane and post our favorite cartoon as a profile pic".

Then one month later, this movement made its way to the US* but with an annoying armchair-activist twist, as many things that get imported to the US are wont to do. Instead of just a fun walk down memory lane, it became, let's-do-this-to-show-your-stance-against-child-abuse-and-raise-child-abuse-awareness.

*(note to editor-type geeks: you will notice that I now write US instead of U.S. This is b/c the editors of the 16th edition of Chicago, much to my dismay, has decided that US, instead of U.S., is now the preferred way to abbreviate our country. After years and years of writing U.S., this is taking some getting used to, but I'm practicing this convention on my blog.)

If only it really did. Well, actually, it can, indirectly, b/c one of my FB friends is posting eye-opening statistics about child abuse on her status--like the fact that five children die from child abuse daily. And she is a counselor and special-education teacher actually doing something in her day-to-day life to raise awareness and prevent future occurrences. Another friend of mine said she prayed for these poor children.

But besides this, I'm not sure how effective such acts of so-called awareness are at actually helping the cause. I mean, change your profile pic and have fun with it, but please don't turn it into a non-cause.

I don't mean to belittle child abuse and suggest that it is not a worthy cause. Nor do I suggest that I am doing anything right now to help prevent child abuse. But the majority of people who are changing their profiles--well, I don't (be)friend indecent people, so I'm sure they are against child abuse. You don't really need to tell me this or make a point of posting this in your status update. However, I don't think people should change their profile pic from the comfort of their home, and feel good about this and call it a day. I think this sort of passive armchair activism is a disservice to the people who do actually do make a difference in people's lives. How many of these people actually know an abused child, I wonder.

And likewise, who are you to tell me to post this status update about some battalion in Afghanistan who lost people to show support or else I am a coward?

It is this sort of passive activism (and then people patting themselves on their back) that annoys me. Not to mention the annoying peer pressure. It feels so high school-ish. Except instead of being peer pressured into having uber-high 2-inch hair-sprayed bangs by 15-year-olds, now it is pressure to post status updates by middle-aged people. There's still the same name-calling (e.g. coward, if you don't post this update, etc.)

There are people who love our country so much that they are willing to put their lives on the line, so people like me can sit and bloviate in a blog post in safety and silly heads of states can wage wars that they will never have to fight themselves. Right now, I can't do much more than feel extremely thankful that there are such amazing, brave people. We (myself included) take these people too much for granted. I can't possibly imagine how big of a sacrifice these people make. I am very thankful for the freedom and rights that I have, but I personally can't imagine risking my life for them. So I am very thankful that there are people who will. It's not something I take lightly. And to think that one can show support and appreciation by just posting some status update? I know it's well-meant, but it almost seems like a cop-out.

You fight and die for my country, and I'll show you my appreciation by changing my FB status for an hour and browbeat others to do the same. How's that for a bargain?

And likewise with this silly child abuse awareness movement. I have friends (both FB and real) who are counselors and actually chose to make a living out of helping children or other victims of hate crimes and violence. I wish I were altruistic enough to make a living out of helping people. I wish I had the people skills and the commitment to become a teacher. But I don't. However, I don't pretend I'm making a difference by just posting a blog about it or FB status about it. When I'm financially able, I do contribute to causes and volunteer time and try to make some difference that way, but the reality is that most of us just aren't that dedicated. Yes we care. What decent human being wouldn't care about child abuse, battered women, dying soldiers, etc. But other than sending money, how many of my cartoon-profiled friends are willing to actually effect change and do something about it?

I'm sure a lot of people passively cared about and were aware of the Jewish people (and gay people and communists) who were sent off to concentration camps. But the point is that awareness wasn't enough.

There is the famous and powerful quote by Niemoeller:
“First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Socialists and the Trade Unionists, but I was neither, so I did not speak out. Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew so I did not speak out. And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me.”

My second point, and more of a question, is ok, I am aware of child abuse. Or at least the concept of it. But a) how do I become more actively aware of it, and b) short of changing careers, what else can I do that is less passive than sending money?

On my first question, I think that we will think it is easy to detect child abuse. Look for external signs--e.g. bruises in weird places, right?

But it's not this straightforward. I recently discovered (via random google-stalking) that one of my former classmates was a victim of domestic violence. I went to school with her for 9? 10? years, and lived down the street from her, but never noticed. I mean, she was always put together, and didn't fit the "abused household" profile. I was friends with her for several years, and went to several birthday parties at her house, and played with her after school in my younger years, but never once suspected anything and she never once mentioned anything. And likewise for other friends who later tell me that they were abused (sexually, physically, etc.). These are all straight-A-honor students, defying the typical broken-home stereotype. Also, there are complications. At least one of my friends (and heck, me too), has been hit as a form of discipline. While I don't agree with this method of discipline, we both agreed that calling some social services agency and having the home broken up would not have been ideal. I realize that occasional corporeal punishment is a far cry from child abuse, but this brings me to my second point (and I speak, partly from experience, and partly from feedback from other friends)--that unless the abuse is blatant, sometimes, if it's a these-parents-use-corporeal-punishment-to-discipline-children case, I'm not sure it's in the best interest of the children to have the family split up. By all means intervene and educate, but I think the child, other siblings, and other parent should probably be consulted.

And on point b), when I found out about my friends and classmates being victims, the first thing I ask myself is, what should I have done differently to notice? Should I have asked? Probably. But this kind of information is very hard to get out of people. People are very good at hiding domestic problems. I know this firsthand. (And no, I was not a victim of child abuse, but there were other problems that I won't go into here.) So how do you reach out to someone who is witholding information, and genuinely show that you want to help? B/c I've been on the other side of the fence, and I've had child study teams harass my family, but I never shared anything with them, because well, other than one fifth grade teacher who really showed that he genuinely cared, I never got the sense from these counselors, child-study this-and-that people, that people actually gave a damn or truly understood. I mean, how can you, if you are not living 24-7 with whatever problem? Or at least, this is what I thought as a 17-year old. I realize now that this a bit of a fallacy--one can still be sympathetic and understand, without being subject to abuse, alcoholism, depression, whatever 24-7. But to return to my point--once I recognize this, what can I do to help? Are there other tangible things I can do that falls between passive awareness and devoting my career to helping these people?

So I don't mean to pooh-pooh a passive-but-well-meant cause, but simply changing ones profile picture to raise child abuse awareness doesn't answer the difficult questions I have.

I have always been aware. So were these neighbors of people who were wisked off to concentration camps. I am not changing my career, since I just spent an entire year studying to become a despotic ruler. So please tell me something concrete I can do to help this situation.

My fantasy answers to silly job questions

Application question that I should be answering instead of blogging: Describe a time when you successfully solved a challenging problem or overcame a difficult situation using your initiative.

Dear Bank,

I really cannot think of a time that I overcame a difficult situation using my initiative. I dislike such questions. You expect us to show originality, yet, you ask such unoriginal questions. . ..Can I tell you about the pretty butterflies I drew instead? Or would you like me to tell you about my favorite cookie recipe?

The grammar Nazi

From a FB status:

"If your selling a car on Craigs list make sure you spell at least the name of the car correctly or you make yourself look stupid. Chevy isn't spelled Chevie..."

I suppose that people who cannot properly distinguish between "your" and "you're" don't make themselves look stupid at all. (Not to mention the fact that Craigslist, last time I checked, wasn't two words, but that's less egregious of an error.)

Which brings me to a question/pet peeve. Why can't the average native English speaking, college-educated, monolingual adult in this country use proper grammar/spelling at a fifth grade level? I don't mean making occasional typos or mistaking "your" for "you're" once or twice because you're typing emails at 4 a.m., but really not knowing the difference to the point that you post 14 FB status updates (not that I'm counting), all with the same damn mistakes. Which means that you really don't know that cannot is one word, or that it's is not possessive, etc. I swear we learned this back in fifth grade, or maybe even third grade. Why aren't they teaching this and drilling this ad nauseum in the schools?

It's not like I expect people to know that peruse actually means "to read carefully" or that comprise, used in this context, is incorrect: "The orchestra is comprised of fifty gazillion trombones and two oboes (oboi, if you prefer Italian)" Or that data is a plural noun. That is a should-I-buy-the-Fowler-or-Garner-style-guide?- level nitpick. (Aside answer: Get the Garner. It's very practical, and it's not the annoying prescriptive style editing that I find really narrow. It's really ok to end a sentence with a preposition, as Winston Churchill has once pointed out. )

But you're/your? They're/their? Too/to? C'mon people. Every native English speaker over the age of 11 should have mastery of such basic grammatical concepts.

(Update: I am in the middle of exams, so I am not moderating any more comments on this post! Sorry. )

and four months later. . .

I'm wondering why I'm still on people's blog rolls, since I haven't managed to post a thing during that time.

It has been quite a whirlwind of 4 months, though I have nothing exciting to report, except how much my life has changed. I'm in a foreign country, completely uprooted from the comforts and stability of my past life, far from friends, with very few material things (no TV, no CD player to play the CDs I just bought), surrounded by people who are 10-15 years younger than I am, immersed in full-time despotic regime studies.

Between end of June and early October, I moved a total of 7 times, before finally settling into my current dwelling place.

This move--this packing up of things, the downsizing and selling off of many of my worldly belongings (well, except some of my beloved kitchen stuff and about 20 boxes of books), including my car, the shedding of all of the responsibilities that come with being a productive working citizen (e.g. paying taxes, somehow contributing to GDP, and I dunno--making monthly contributions to one's retirement plan and social security, etc.) and flitting off to a foreign land (to a world class city, no less!) and starting anew sans attachments and hardly any material possessions--it sounds so carefree and romantic, doesn't it?

It certainly did when my friends regaled me with their own U.K. study abroad adventures. The same uprooting. The same packing up of one's belongings and moving on short notice. The same sense of exhilaration over the new and unknown. The excitement. Ah, the excitement. Yes, I remember thinking that, experiencing that, when I finally decided and put my reply in the post.

It influenced my decision to come here. Many of my friends still buy into this romanticized notion of studying in the U.K. I keep getting emails from people who want to hear of my "exciting adventures!" (exclamation mark theirs.)

But now I am here and half done with my program already, and my life couldn't possibly be further from this idealized notion of studying abroad that many of my friends and colleagues seem to have conjured up.

What do I tell these people? That I spend 87 percent of my free time in the library? That my life has become so one-dimensional? That I might as well be studying in Siberia, since it's not like I have time to enjoy or take advantage of the fact that I'm in actually London, where there are hundreds of cool things one can do for free--if one had spare time?

And lest I sound curmudgeonly, don't get me wrong--the wonders of this city hasn't been completely lost on me. In fact, most days this city continues to enchant, and more often than not, I find myself marveling over the fact that, "Wow. I'm really living in London!"--Like on new year's eve when I was there to enjoy the fireworks spectacle among tens of thousands of people and rang in the new year in a city that ranks among the top 10 for NYE celebrations.
Like on Christmas Eve, when I got to enjoy the glories of midnight mass at St. Paul's Cathedral.
Like when I go running along the Thames, just because I can.
Like when I pass by the oldest cathedral church in London on my (almost) daily walk to school and many other cool, old structures or places of historic significance.

But for the most part, the nitty-gritty details of my life (or lack thereof) would disappoint my friends who want to be entertained with stories of my "new and exciting life".

It's not that I expected life to be a picnic, but despite my preparations last year, this return to full-time studenthood has been a tougher adjustment than I imagined. I didn't think I'd have literally no time to explore the city during studies. I thought I'd have plenty of time to go catch a concert or two, frequent museums, or hell, go on weekend excursions to Paris or Lausanne in my spare time. Ha! Spare time.

I thought I'd be grown up enough to not be overconsumed by school. I thought I would've learned by now the importance of work/school-life balance.

Yes, yes. I thought many many things. And well, no sense in dwelling on how different things are from what I expected. I guess things not going as expected is part of this whole experience, though I wouldn't mind a bit more balance in my life. (Again, lest I sound extreme, it's not like I had zero free time, but given the choice between vegging and doing some sort of low brainwave activity or going to a (brain-)taxing classical music concert and sitting through an entire symphony or two. . .I usually chose the former.)

Anyway, speaking of spare time, and lack of it, (in this time, I've also lost the ability to write my thoughts and organize them in a coherent manner. And given my lack of practice and time for editing, you will have to just deal with my Faulknerian stream-of-consciousness style of writing.) I need to wrap this meandering up soon, so I can catch up on my sleep.

So for 2010, I'm hoping for better work-life balance and better composure, though with the libraries threatening to be open 24/7, and the material only getting harder, plus the added burden of a thesis, I'm not sure exactly how this will happen.

Happy New Years to y'all. And perhaps if I have some time before classes start, I will post something on what I have been learning, because despite my whining, some of it is actually quite fascinating stuff.