Dumping my friends

I think I want to dump my friends this week. Well, not all of them, and not for real, but part of the point of a blog is to vent, and I don't know what is up w/ people this week. Is it let's-be-quintessentially-Californian-flakes week or something?

Here is a scenario that has happened multiple times this week, but also seems to happen recurringly with certain people. Now if this is your nature w/ everyone, then fine.

It's a variation of one of these (and if the shoe fits, wear it, please):

A. I attempt to make plans with or catch up w/ someone. I email/call them. Like a zillion times. No response.
Comment: I can't be making all of the effort, here. Last I checked, friendship is a 2-way street. I know I sometimes blow people off b/c I'm busy/tired, but if the other person is exhibiting attempts to contact/get together, at some point, I start feeling guilty, and even if I can't give them a full email/call, whatever, I give them a quick call/email to say sorry and will talk longer sometime soon, sort of thing. As for making plans, it takes 15-seconds to draft an email that says "sorry, I can't." I find it hard to believe that you can't occasionally take the 15-seconds to draft such a reply.

B. I make lunch/dinner/rendez-vous-type plans with someone. We set a date to do something in advance. The day of, I check in w/ lunch-plan-friend to confirm, and I get a reply of "sorry, I can't. I have to pick so-and-so up from Zimbabwe.
Comment: You surely must've know about this earlier than 2 hours before our lunch plan when you write back to tell me that you can't meet for lunch. Besides, I don't mean to be a courtesy-fascist, but in my books, this warrants an email from your end. Would you have even let me know if I hadn't thought to confirm? Again, another less-than-one-minute ordeal that can go like this:

friend: "Hey, Y, I need to cancel the lunch plans we made on x-date. I have to pick up a friend who is visiting from Zimbabwe. Sorry."
me: "No worries! We'll try again some other time."

Wow. Look how simple and uncomplicated that is. 15 seconds of effort to not piss me off. That's all I'm asking.

B2. (Variation of B) I make other outing (opera, symphony, etc.) plans with someone. We make this plan in advance. We put it on the calendar. I buy tickets. I email you during the week to "confirm plans/figure out carpool, etc.", but I hear nothing. Finally, the evening of, I get a VM telling me that your roommate doesn't feel like going, so you're reneging as well.

Comment: Again, I'm not objecting to your last minute change of mind, even though I thought we committed to doing this thing and I already have tickets for this event we planned to go see. In the east coast, this wouldn't happen, but here, I'm not terribly surprised that this happens. But if you suddenly don't feel like going, instead of my sending you multiple VMs and emails "to confirm" and you telling me that you're not going 2 hours before on the day of, how about letting me know earlier? Especially, since I've been emailing/calling you these past few days to figure out plans for this particular evening?

This doesn't annoy me so much as confuse me on the notion of "making plans". You're obviously free to cancel, change your mind, etc. But if we make plans to go see an opera in the city, and we set a date well in advance, I buy tickets (and assume you do the same), etc., can you just change your mind and decide to hang out with your roommate, b/c she "doesn't feel like opera tonight"?

I'm not complaining about the cancelling of plans per se (even though this happened enough times this week to warrant a blog entry). Your kids/boyfriend/pet iguana gets sick, or some emergency happens, or in my case, I'm about to cancel plans myself, b/c I feel really run down and can't talk for more than 30-seconds. I'm not trying to be a plan-nazi, and often times, I prefer to make nebulous plans, too.

Nor am I complaining about the oft-nebulous plans I make w/ people. (e.g. I might bike down to the south bay, in which case, I'll give you a call and we'll meet up. Or, if we have time, let's get together and do somethingthis weekend. Or, I might go to Jammix tonight. Maybe we can meet up.)

But if you are cancelling longstanding plans that we made--like lunch at a certain date, a show for a certain evening--and you realize that you have to pick up your Senegalese lepidopterist friend from the airport or whatever and it conflicts w/ our schedule, or you decide to cancel plans for something I thought we planned months in advance, b/c your roommate/SO doesn't want to go, I have a suspicion (from my unreturned multiple emails) that you knew about this way in advance.

Instead of me doing the tracking down to confirm things, why can't people be proactive about letting me know? Not 2 hours before, but as soon as you figure out that you can't stick to the original plan. This doesn't piss me off. Even if 5 people do it all in one week. Things happen.

Personally, if I make plans to cook dinner for someone or go to an opera or go see a recital that someone's in, unless something is dire (illness, emergency babysitting, or other reason), I try not to cancel on people. Like I won't cancel plan A w/ someone, just because a better plan B comes along. Much as I wish people would reciprocate and not double/better deal, I'm not even expecting this of people.

However, is it too much to ask people to exercise common courtesy?

I've often felt like cancelling plans like shows, etc., perhaps b/c I'm not feeling well, or I'm suddenly not into the idea, but I don't, b/c I don't like backing down on my word. I like to follow through on things I said I'll do.
I've been to many shows/recitals/concerts that I sometimes didn't feel like going, just to support you.

Well, from now on, I think I'm just going to be selfish with my time.