(In Kurtagian style, this is homage à Yv, from whom I've borrowed this style of irreverent conversation snippets)
(announcer at some point makes a comment about the Olympics never being held in South America.)
Betlan: Is that right?
Bon: I guess so.
Anzu: It's probably b/c the summers and winters are reversed in the southern hemisphere. But didn't they hold them once in Sydney?
Betlan: Yeah, I think so. Maybe the summer games?
Bon or Ala: Though that means they held it during our winter, which means the summer and winter games had to happen at the same time?
Betlan: That can't be right.
Anzu: Wow. That means the Olympics are northern-hemisphere-o-centric.
* * * *
During the parade of athletes by country:
(announcer announces name of obscure country that most of us have never heard of):
A: is that a country? For real?
B: I think every few real countries, they make up another country and insert it in for filler.
C: There's another one. Oh, with a population of 14,000. And a total of 1.6 square miles.
D: Well, that's less than the population of Stanford. A fraction of the size, too.
A: Oh and that country is smaller than the population of Facebook.
B: Ugh. And why are they all chewing gum? It drives me NUTS to see these people constantly chewing gum.
C: like violet beauregard.
(more obscure countries are mentioned)
A: Gosh. I feel geographically illiterate. Maybe I have no right to make fun of people who don't know that Hungary is a country.
(Brazil enters the track)
Anzu: Wow. I see blacks. I didn't know they had blacks in Brazil.
(Bon looks at me incredulously)
Anzu: that's what Bush said to the Brazilian president when he visited Brazil.
Bon: Shut up.
Anzu: actually, it is so ridiculous, I refuse to believe it. It must be an urban myth.
Ala: Actually, I'm sorry to say it's not, b/c I read about it in Spanish newspapers the day it happened.
Anzu: It was in Der Spiegel, too, but I still don't believe it. He can't be that stupid.
(Now Ala gives me an incredulous look)
Ala: Oh, honey, you have no idea.
Anzu: Surely someone that stupid wouldn't lead a country. I mean, Brazil only has the largest black population outside of Africa (I think).
Ala: Yeah, it turns out the Portuguese were big slave traders.
Anzu: Well, they're sauntering. We're going to be here all night. If they walked the way I walked, this parade would take 1/4 of the time.
Bon: maybe they should run.
Betlan: and they're still chewing that damn gum!
(final section when the final flame-bearer is being hoisted by wires and is "running" in air.)
Ala: OMG. I can't believe what he has to do. He must be so tired from holding that big flame.
Anzu: Wow. I can't believe he has to hold that thing out and go around the whole dome. I can't hold out my arm for that long, even with nothing in my hand. If I were him, I'd be whining right about now.
Betlan: Um, you are whining right about now.
(announcer announces name of obscure country that most of us have never heard of):
A: is that a country? For real?
B: I think every few real countries, they make up another country and insert it in for filler.
C: There's another one. Oh, with a population of 14,000. And a total of 1.6 square miles.
D: Well, that's less than the population of Stanford. A fraction of the size, too.
A: Oh and that country is smaller than the population of Facebook.
B: Ugh. And why are they all chewing gum? It drives me NUTS to see these people constantly chewing gum.
C: like violet beauregard.
* * *
(more obscure countries are mentioned)
A: Gosh. I feel geographically illiterate. Maybe I have no right to make fun of people who don't know that Hungary is a country.
* * *
(Brazil enters the track)
Anzu: Wow. I see blacks. I didn't know they had blacks in Brazil.
(Bon looks at me incredulously)
Anzu: that's what Bush said to the Brazilian president when he visited Brazil.
Bon: Shut up.
Anzu: actually, it is so ridiculous, I refuse to believe it. It must be an urban myth.
Ala: Actually, I'm sorry to say it's not, b/c I read about it in Spanish newspapers the day it happened.
Anzu: It was in Der Spiegel, too, but I still don't believe it. He can't be that stupid.
(Now Ala gives me an incredulous look)
Ala: Oh, honey, you have no idea.
Anzu: Surely someone that stupid wouldn't lead a country. I mean, Brazil only has the largest black population outside of Africa (I think).
Ala: Yeah, it turns out the Portuguese were big slave traders.
* * *
Ala: Geez, it's still going on.Bon: They've now cycled through that mariachi music 3 or 4 times.
Ala: You would think that given this great opportunity, they could've featured different singing traditions--you know--Balkan singing, throat music, a didgeridoo here and there. . .
Betlan: They orchestrated everything else so perfectly. This was one area where they slacked off.
Ala: You would think that given this great opportunity, they could've featured different singing traditions--you know--Balkan singing, throat music, a didgeridoo here and there. . .
Betlan: They orchestrated everything else so perfectly. This was one area where they slacked off.
* * *
(Taiwan walks on)
A: Wait. I thought the Chinese thought Taiwan was part of China. How come they get to walk out by themselves.
B: Wow. That is progress. Oh. They're not waving their flag. (Announcer explains why.)
(HK follows on shortly afterwards)
C: Wtf. I thought HK was part of China. How come they get to walk out on their own?
C: Sorry, Betlan, I just uttered an obscenity. I don't know if that's allowed in your house.
D: I run with Anzu, so I'm used to hearing Anzu's sailor-esque language.
B: Is Tibet represented?
A: Yeah, if they walk with the Chinese.
C: Well, how come these other non-sort-of countries get to march as a separate country, but not Tibet?
* * *A: Wait. I thought the Chinese thought Taiwan was part of China. How come they get to walk out by themselves.
B: Wow. That is progress. Oh. They're not waving their flag. (Announcer explains why.)
(HK follows on shortly afterwards)
C: Wtf. I thought HK was part of China. How come they get to walk out on their own?
C: Sorry, Betlan, I just uttered an obscenity. I don't know if that's allowed in your house.
D: I run with Anzu, so I'm used to hearing Anzu's sailor-esque language.
B: Is Tibet represented?
A: Yeah, if they walk with the Chinese.
C: Well, how come these other non-sort-of countries get to march as a separate country, but not Tibet?
(2 hours later)
Anzu: Well, they're sauntering. We're going to be here all night. If they walked the way I walked, this parade would take 1/4 of the time.
Bon: maybe they should run.
Betlan: and they're still chewing that damn gum!
* * * *
(final section when the final flame-bearer is being hoisted by wires and is "running" in air.)
Ala: OMG. I can't believe what he has to do. He must be so tired from holding that big flame.
Anzu: Wow. I can't believe he has to hold that thing out and go around the whole dome. I can't hold out my arm for that long, even with nothing in my hand. If I were him, I'd be whining right about now.
Betlan: Um, you are whining right about now.
6 comments:
Oh, that Hungary video kills me.
Once I was in a production of "Fiddler on the Roof," and we were rehearsing a song that makes repeated references to people going to Kiev. Finally one guy raised his hand and asked, "What's Kiev?"
Whew. Thank my lucky stars I missed those talking heads. I probably would have been drunk by the first commercial break. By the second, I'd would've had the noose perfectly tied. Sheesh.
(To Empiricus) Heh. That was why it was an all-female affair. (No alcohol, either.)
As for the Hungary video, like Bush and his Brazil comment, I refuse to believe it's actually true. She must've been acting. :)
Speaking of Hungary, did you watch the opening ceremony and the parade of countries? The women from Hungary looked like red dalmations!! (Though upon closer inspection, the things that looked like dalmation specks from afar turned out to be flowers. Still, very bad bad design. . .)
No...alcohol? You watched the *entire* opening ceremonies...sober? Brain...imploding...
Yes, even the fake fireworks and my most favorite singer in the world, Sarah Brightman (sp?).
I'm sorry I missed the red-speckled outfits. Maybe the designer was going for an "Eros Paprika" look...and just missed it altogether.
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